You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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