guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
