I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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