i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
