Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
