Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There's always time for handjobs
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
