'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
