She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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