I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
