paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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