I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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