I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
