hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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