I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
