When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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