Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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