this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
