Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
