Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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