If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
