he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize