but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
