I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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