Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
