KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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