There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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