I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
