I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
