next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
