thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
