what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
