What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
