I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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