I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
