also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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