I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
