So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
