I hate your face
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
