My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
