Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
