Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
