Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
