The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
