so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
