So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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