that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
