I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
