now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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