It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
