Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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