Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
