The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So squirting runs in the family.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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