Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
