the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
