u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude i'm inner monologue high
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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