The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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