I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
