My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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