I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize