At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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