the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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