she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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