Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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