There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
