i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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