i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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