Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
