You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
