i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do vagina's smell?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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