help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
