Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
