3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
