My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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