somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
