dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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