...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
