Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
