she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
