You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
